Big Mac Related Ranting
Hello All,
How's the day going? I have a very serious issue to bring up today:
It's something that has been troubling me ever since the first few days of the semester, and I must admit I'm a little afraid of bringing it up... it seems that my biology prof. is obsessed with Big Mac's. This surprises me a great deal because he is a fairly thin man, and does not exhibit the body type one would typically associate with a Big Mac lover. And yet, the incorporation of the aforementioned piece of American subculture is discussed, without fail, at least four times each lecture period. It appears in all of his scientific examples, and is used constantly as a reference point. Today's usage for example dealt with Big Mac's spontaneously bursting into flames, but there have been other reference points as well. Everything ranging from enzymes to proteins (which seem normal) to DNA and plant life. I mean, who actually ponders the DNA of a Big Mac?... okay so all of us might bring it up in conversation if led in that direction, but that doesn't seem too out of the way for our chats. I am starting to believe that everything in Biology is interconnected to the Big Mac in some way, shape or form. Everything from hair follicles to acid rain to mold growth to the cycles of the seasons can probably be traced, in one way or another, to the Big Mac. Evolution? Big Mac. Sea Turtles? Big Mac. The meaning of life? Big Mac. Why does this remind me of that whole "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" thing, wherein one can pick any actor or actress in history, and somehow connect them to a movie starring Kevin Bacon? For example, Clint Eastwood was in Bridges of Madison County with Meryl Streep who was in A River Wild with... Kevin Bacon. Anyway, the fact that a bug gets squished by the foot of a human who in turn gets crushed by a falling piano can all be traced back to something concerning a Big Mac. Sinking of the Titanic? Big Mac. Viet Nam? Big Mac. Moon Landing? Big Mac. I don't feel that I'm taking this too far for it seems that, since Biology is the core of life, that everything else in existence is merely an extension of Biology... which also implies that everything else in the world can be directed back to a Big Mac (This further explains the titanic, Vietnam, and moon landing situations). I consider this a highly volatile issue for the future of the country... one that should not escape the race for the white house, and yet, my information is incomplete. I will have to do more research. I encourage any of you to pass along information you might find crucial to the study. I only have one more question to ask of all of you... do you want fries with that?
Ice Cream Related Ranting
Hey guys,
The cancellation of class, much like the promise of a fresh pint of ice cream, brings joy to the human soul. You see, the removal of class permits one's mind to wander freely from organized, class-oriented material to more pertinent thoughts. Thoughts involving phrases like "Mint Chocolate Chip" or "Black Cherry" or (in extreme cases only) "Double Fudge Brownie." We all have those days when we're too busy tottering at the edge to worry about anything, and we want nothing more that to have our friends understand that pain. The problem here is that most of our friends think we're lunatics already and if we started screaming things like "Blue Moon" in their faces, they'd much rather spend their money buying us a personal hug for one then spending it alleviating our pain. Which brings me to the phrase "Peace, Love & Ice Cream." Having peace and love in your daily life is definitely important, as those are qualities one usually associates with a happy existence. Ice cream falls under this category as well, for if you love the ice cream, (and the ice cream brings you peace) then all this can do is strengthen your other relationships. And so I encourage you to get together with your friends and have cake. But cake is nothing without ice cream so... Did Shakespeare have ice cream with his cake? Anyway, it's not our fault that a lack of ice cream conscious people have hindered our ability to exist, oh no, it's not our fault. And yet, it seems we blame ourselves, because god forbid we'd speak the truth in this situation. And so I make my claim to you, proud members of the ice cream counterculture, leaders of an underground movement based on the belief that a lack of ice cream has caused the downfall of society, that I will lead you honestly and truthfully. I ask but one question... 2 scoops or 3?
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