new poem

I'm slowly working on a new poem, it's only partially finished, unfortunately the rest hasn't come yet.  So here it is a work in progress...

Don't you hear me
Am I not getting through
Trying to make you hear
What I'm trying to say

All you see is the smile
that I have on the outside
It's only me that can
hear the screaming.



There you have it, I felt like screaming at work yesterday because there were some idiotic people, 2 of them were the cashiers and some were customers from one of our other stores......Go figure.

Looking back

Looking back on life I know there are things I regret and things I don't.  Some of the things I don't regret are pretty much my life as is, minus the weight issue and if you know me you know what I mean.  What DO I regret you may ask.  Not staying closer with some of my friends, maybe buying my current house, I'll stick to those 2 at the moment. 

Dealing with the latter one first.  If I hadn't bought my house when I did, and rented instead, then maybe I wouldn't be having this battle with my husband of wanting to buy a house now with him,  he wants to stay in our current house for at least  more years, I don't know if I can handle living here for 3 more years,  it's never really felt like "home" to me and that's what I so want!  Even with the 2 cats and the dog, with the love that my husband and I have for each other it doesn't feel like home.  So maybe if I had rented instead of buying I wouldn't feel like this because we would have bought a home when we got married.

Now to deal with the former, not staying closer to friends.  It's not really for a lack of not wanting to, it's the fact that it seems like our lives are SO much busier now that we aren't in high school anymore.  We are adults and have adult responsbilities.  But why does it seem that we can't seem to have fun with the adult responsbilities.  I miss my friends and the thing is that it doesn't take long to get caught up, but we just fall back into our old ways as if we hadn't been missing from each others lifes.  But yet in the process of it all I've realized that by letting adult responsbilities get in the way I have been missing out on a lot in my friends lifes and I DO regret that.  Not taking the time to sit and chat on the phone or now skype (hint, hint).  Not to send letters or e-mails.  The relationships that bloomed in high school and that meant so much, don't seem to mean as much when they still do and more even.

Don't get me wrong, I am the type of person where it's not the quanity of friends but the quality, and I lost some great quality friendships, but I've gained others.  Some of the ones I lost, were okay to lose, some weren't by choice, and some still was just lack of communication.

I want those close friendships back!!!!!! I put in my year book "Hey Pico, don't leave with out me"  or something along those lines...and some days when I hear how good that one friend is doing I do feel left behind.  When I hear how another is doing, I feel as if I left them behind.  Then theres' another that's trying to reconnect and I'm scared to reconnet because I don't know how to take it and if things can go back the way they were.

Lost, confused and wantin' to cry.  

More writings...

I Hope

I hope to see you in Heaven

I hope we are both called to the alter of God

We’ll go together to the alter of God

And see what our creator looks like.

I hope we both go to Heaven.

Then we can see the one who died for us to save us from sin.

The one who had nails in his body.

The one they named a fraud and buried.

I hope we all go to Heaven

To see the one who sits on the right hand of God, the father almighty.

The one who saved us.

I hope to see everyone in Heaven.

Clock

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Ding, Dong, Ding, Dong

The clock rings two

Two dogs bark at the clock ringing two

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Ding, Dong, Ding, Dong

Ding, Dong the clock rings three

Three cats hiss at the clock ringing three

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Ding, Dong, Ding, Dong

Ding, Dong, Ding, Dong

The clock strikes four

Four birds singing with the clock striking four.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Ding, Dong, Ding, Dong

Ding, Dong, Ding, Dong

Ding, Dong the clock strikes five

Five fish swim to the beat the clock gives striking five.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

The night slowly fades

Into the morning sky.

Untitled

I can feel the sun

It's rays join my blood and flow through me

I can feel the rays

They fill me with a joy that only I know

I can feel the joy

It's so strong that it leads me on a path

I can feel the path

It's so soft and smooth and shows me the way.

"I Know the Way"

I tell them I know the way.  They say how can you.  I say I do.  I have been there before.  They say how could you have been there.  No one has ever seen it.  I tell them I have.  I will show you the way.  They ask why not just tell us the way.  I say because if I do not go along one or all the members of your team will die.  They laugh.  Surely none of us will die.  We can not risk the fact that you may get lost.  We will get blamed.  I say I must go.  I know now that none of you will make it back.  For if I was a man, then you would let me go.  They say there is no way this relation would work.  I say you may not want me to go, but with out me you will die.  You must learn to live life to the end.  Maybe one day it will be your daughters and my son saying all the things we have said.  They laugh and leave.  A few days have past since I told them the way.  None have returned, I fear the worst may have happened.  I dare not tell the townspeople that they may not return.  But I must know what happened.  I tell my son to pack food for a two day trip.  I decided it was time to show my son the way.  Once he had the food packed we waited tell dusk.  My son asks why are we waiting till dusk.  I tell him, I fear the townspeople will blame me for the disappearance of the men.  He says, surely, mother it was not your fault.  I was the last to see them alive, I tell him.  At dusk we leave our house and start walking.  My son is following behind me, all excited and ready for adventure.  I tell him to be quiet for some things are sleeping.  As we get to the first turn I see the body of one of the men.  He is all moldy and decaying, slowly going back into the ground.  We walk further, about half way there we see two more bodies.  One of them is full of claw marks and has only half his body.  The second one, looks as if it were dessert for the animal that got the first one.  That means there are three more men to find.  My son asks why we have not yet been hurt.  I tell him it is because the forest likes only those with kind hearts.  After the two bodies is two more turns.  After the second turn we find two more bodies.  They are so mangled from being ripped and torn that its hard to tell who is who.  When we make it to the center of the forest there is the last man.  Barely alive.  I go to him and ask how long have you been here.  He answers long enough to know why you said none of us would make it.  I tell him, you have found the kindness in your heart and that is why you have made as far as you have.  Son, give him some water from the stream.  As my son goes, the man says I apologize for the way I have acted.  I will remember that it is not whether you are man or woman.  It is what is in your heart and mind.  That it is better to be kind, then be unkind.  The next day we head back to town.  The women and men are happy to see that at least one of the men has made it home.  The man’s wife asks me, however did you find him.  I told her I followed my heart and the birds told me the way.  The man tells the townspeople how I had warn them of the forest.  But they were foolish and did not listen and that he was happy to know that someone was willing to risk their life for his.  After that people were willing to listen to what my son and I had to say. 

An article that I wrote for a role playing group.

Born Evil-Raised Good

Retold by Samant

When I was asked to write an article for the Tronicia Times, I debated what to write about.  So many things going on to chose from.  So I decided to let you readers in on more about my life and how it feels to be the way I am, or should I say the way I was.

I am one of Black Shadow King’s daughters.  I don’t know how many he had before me and I don’t know how many he had after.  My mother, Helena, was original good.  She married “Lysander”.  Lysander was the name BSK went under to seduce my mother.  When my mother found out who Lysander really was, she was bound to keep any kids she had by him away.  So when she found out she was pregnant with me, she tried to keep it to herself.  When dad realized that she might be pregnant, he started making plans for me.  When I was born, my mother asked two of my half-brothers, Mannheim and Zyzzyva, to take me to a friend of her family.  So they did.  I don’t know what dad did when he found out about what mom did…I never found out.

The oldest wizard raised me.  I didn’t know him by any other name.  Everyone called him the oldest wizard, including me.  I always thought of him as my real father, granted he was old.  I wondered how he kept up with me when I was young.  When I was growing up, something bothered me.  I was the only wizard to have a sort of symbol on my hand.  When I was six I asked the oldest wizard about he.  He looked at the symbol.  He said he’d tell me about it when I was older and would be able to understand and cope from the information.  A few months later he died.  It was said that he died of old age.  For a few years I thought I was the one to blame, him being old and I so young, making him have energy he really didn’t have.  So I never did find out what the symbol meant from the oldest wizard.

At the age of six when the oldest wizard died I was attending a ‘boarding’ school, that’s what they were called.  I was home on a break when he died.  Seeing as how I had no place to stay, I started living at the school.  When I turned twelve, I was sent to a different school where I meet Alric, Kiya, Jon, and Gandof.  The five of us became friends and did things together.  I stayed at this school till I was fifteen.  From there I went on to another school for older children.  Alric, Kiya, Jon and Gandof came also.  During the time at the school we couldn’t wait to be done and out on our own.   Kiya ran away from home when she was fourteen.  We didn’t see much of her.  When she was sixteen she went to a special school for healers.    We ‘graduated’ from the school for older children when we were seventeen.  Kiya would visit us on her breaks from school, so we didn’t loose touch with her.  Jon, Gandof, and I moved into a house together, seeing at that time I being a woman couldn’t own a house by myself.  Jon and I started having feelings for each other.  The same was happening to Kiya and Alric.  There were even plans of marriage in the picture for them.

As months passed I started seeing less of Jon, he’d go away for long periods of time.  I never knew when he’d be home.  Then a stranger came into town looking for a dragon slayer.  His name was Eternal.  Eternal was seeking Kain in revenge of his father.  So knowing that Eternal didn’t have a place to stay, I let him stay at the house I was sharing with Gandof and Jon.  Eternal and I came close as Kiya and Alric’s relationship started to die.  Alric was sending me letters about the relationship.  And even though he loved Kiya, he didn’t think she loved him, that and he had found someone else.  I was sorry to hear that the relationship between them was dying.  But as long as both of them were happy in the decision.

There were a few strange things that happened after Eternal arrived.  One of those being Kain.  When Kain found out that Eternal was in love with me, he tried to use me as bait.  The first thing he did was cut my chest with a message for Eternal.  Aeuroch, the soul sucker, eventually killed Kain.  But I’ll get more into Aeuroch, Orion comes first.  Orion, my son, came from the future to kill me.  He came to stop me from having his sister (who has yet to be born).  He also came to kill me for letting “them” take him.  I was able to talk to him and convince him that I didn’t let “them” take him.  Then when I had that settled he turned back into young Orion, the Orion before “them”.  Then came Aeuroch.  I tried to forget about him so I don’t even remember his reason for coming to Tronicia.  Though what I do remember…is that he took control of Gandof’s body and took Orion’s soul.

When Jon finally came back from his trip he was a little mad to find someone had found the way into my heart like he had.  But he was more sadden by the fact that my feelings for him had changed.  I didn’t love him the way I used to.   After I broke up with Jon, Eternal was very supportive and was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.  After a month or two had pasted Eternal asked me to marry him.  He wondered if I could ever love a revenge seeking fool.  I said I could because I did.  From there we started deciding how to go about things.  Everyone was happy for us.

One night we decided we didn’t want to wait and have a big wedding.  We headed to the hills and had the oldest dwarf wed us.  We spent the night there in the hills with the dwarfs.   A few weeks later I realized I was pregnant with Orion.  Orion was born during Fool’s Week.  He’s now 5 months old.  Eternal and I grow closer together as the days past.  I don’t think I’d change my life, it seems to be working out for the good.

So there you have it you now know more about my life and what happened.  I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my life and me. 

One of my sister's poems

Just thought I'd share this poem that my sister wrote, this has always been one of my favorites that she's written, probably because it's one of the few that I've seen.

A Single Perfect Tear

A single tear

fell from his face

As she walked away

full of hate

A single tear

leaked from her eye

As she turned around

to say good-bye

A single tear

ran down the check

of a small child

so frail, so weak

A single tear flowed

from their eye

As they looked down

and cried

Not for that man

who hurt his wife

Not for that woman

who never tried

But for that child

who only cried

A single, perfect tear.

And More....

“Little Brother”

Little brother sitting across from me,

Off in his own little world,

Staring at nothing.

Little brother standing next to me,

Tightly squeezes my hand,

As he goes off into the world.

Little brother on the phone with me,

Telling me of how he’s in love,

Of how he’s ready to commit.

Little brother standing before me,

Giving me a hug,

Thanking me for everything.

Little brother sitting across from me,

Off in his own little world,

Staring at nothing.

LIFE IS LIKE A PUZZLE

 Life is like a puzzle,

Color makes all the difference.

A one-color puzzle wouldn’t be very interesting.

Thank goodness, God gave us color.

Life is like a puzzle.

But some people like a one-color puzzle.

Others like only a two-color puzzle.

But I prefer a multi-color puzzle.

Life is like a puzzle. 

Imagine a world with just blues or greens.

Perhaps reds or yellows or purples.

Browns or blacks or oranges.

 Life is like a puzzle.

Just one color is awfully plain.

Try some red with your blue.

Or how about purple with your orange.

Life is like a puzzle.

Color makes all the difference.

Maybe now you’ll add some more colors to your life.

Thank goodness, God gave us color.

HE AND SHE

All I ever hear from their room is yelling.

Nothing is quiet when He gets home.

She yells right back at him.

Why won’t they stop fighting?

My friend, who lives on the top most floor,

Can hear them yelling on second floor.

My friend says He beats her,

And She hits him back.

The doorman says,

They have been fighting ever since they moved in.

I’m surprised they haven’t broken up.

They should have a long time ago.

Tony, the bellboy, says,

I ain’t going up there if He’s home.

He just yells at me for no reason.

She just lets him do it.

Tina, her friend, tells me,

They were never meant to be together.

He was having an affair,

With her sister.

Tara, his sister, agrees with Tina.

Only Tara says it was Tina He was

Having the affair with.

Which gets Tina and Tara yelling.

Then Tyler, her brother, says

It was my sister having an affair with

The best man,

His best friend.

But Tara says,

There is no way my boyfriend,

Would have an affair with His fiancée.

There just is no way.

 Why won’t they stop fighting?

From everything I heard,

Perhaps they both had an affair.

Why don’t they just get a divorce?

Christmas

The children dance with anticipation,

As the Christmas story is read.

For the little kids,

Can't wait to open the presents.

 One little girl opened her present,

And was surprised to find the doll she had wanted.

Her eyes started to fill with tears.

The little boy next her opened his present,

He looked in the box to see the train he had wished for.

He smiled through his tears.

The mother looked at them,

Known the presents weren't much.

She had hoped they'd be enough,

To make the children happy this Christmas day.

The father smiled at his children,

As he remembered the Christmas' of his past.

He knew that they would cherish their presents,

As it was rare to get something as nice as those.

That Christmas the children realized,

That even though they didn't get a lot of presents,

Their parents loved them and would do what they could,

To get the children what the wanted for Christmas.

A SIMPLE RING

A simple ring,

just a band of silver,

with a red stone.

A simple ring,

made by a tradesman,

for a queen.

A simple ring,

thought to be lost,

forever on this earth.

A simple ring,

found by a merchant,

and made ready to sell.

A simple ring,

caught the eye of a man,

that bought the ring.

A simple ring,

bought by a man,

for his loved one.

A simple ring,

the man gave,

to his wife to be.

A simple ring,

the woman wears,

as a wedding band.

A simple ring,

just a band of silver,

with a red stone.

 

Still More....

A Path

My heart leads me on a path that is dark and lonely.

 A path that is bumpy and overgrown with weeds.

The path that is so covered it is hard to walk.

Then you come along and the path begins to clear.

It is no longer covered with overgrown weeds.

The path smoothes out with only a few bumps seeable.


My heart now leads me on a path that is full of light.

 

A path that is no longer lonely with you at my side.

Now that the path isn’t covered it is easy to walk.

When my heart betrayed me and left me confused.

You were there to help me understand.

You let me take the time I needed.

Now when my heart betrays me,

I know you will be there by my side ready to comfort.

When your path gets too rough for you to walk alone.

I will stay by you and help you walk it.

There is nothing we can’t do when we are together.

We take each day in stride and watch what becomes of it.

We both know that the love we share is different.

As we walk through life wondering why it took so long to find each other.

The answer we seek is right in front of us.

God choose to let us suffer from other relations,

Before giving us the one that would last.

US

Dedicated to KMDH

We have been friends for so long,

That it seems pitiful that,

A fight over a wrapper,

Could destroy this friendship.

I listen to other people.

I ignore my feelings.

I should know better.

But I don’t.

I say things I don’t mean,

Because I am mad.

Today, was no exception.

I was listening to others.

One asked how I could like you?

At first I said I don’t know.

But I do now.

We balance each other.

You are quiet and I am loud.

You are calm and I am wild.

You do the talking.

I do the listening.

Don’t you see we were meant to be friends?

I let too many others tell me how to feel.

I would be sad if I lost you for a friend.

Hopefully we can pull through this,

Like we have the rest.

The Wolfdog

Dogs look at me strangely.

They say I don’t belong.

That I should leave.

I try to make them understand.

But they don’t listen.

They say because of what I am

I make things worse.

I tell them it’s not my fault

That my master bred me this way

But they don’t listen

So I leave the only home I’ve known

My friend tries to make me stay

I tell her this is the way it has to be.

I try to make her understand

But she doesn’t listen.

Now here I am

Writing this.

Wondering, if I’ll

ever see home

again.

SNOW

                The pine trees welcome the snow; some even lower their branches to help the fall not be so great.

                Some shrubs are also happy.  So Happy that they play a game of dodge the snow, but in the end the snow wins and the shrubs end up in awkward positions.

                The smaller shrubs fear the snow, for they know that the snow likes to play hide ‘n’ seek with them.  It covers them so they hide from daylight until spring when the sun can seek them once again.

                Some of the younger trees have caught on to the shrubs game of dodge the snow.  Because of their youth they usually win with very little or no snow on them.

                The great wise trees, who are the oldest of the old, know it is futile to play dodge the snow.  But they are wise enough not to dampen the young ones spirits.

                Then the trees who are not the oldest of the old, but no more in their youth still play dodge the snow on rare occasions.  But mostly it’s only their “fingertips” that escape coverage.

                There are even some which the snow doesn’t touch but makes a nice white blanket around the base.  Other trees and shrubs think it’s favoritism and others think it’s pure fear, but the snow never tells.

                Even the humans enjoy the new fallen show as they run to the nearest hill carrying their sleds.

For PJ

I look at you and see a great friend.

You listen to my troubles,

Like I listen to yours.

We have this friendship that is different.

Our late night talks,

Have helped out a lot.

They made me think about my life,

If I was choosing the right path,

And if what I did really matter.

You helped me see that what I did,

Did really matter.

Regardless of what others said.

I know I helped you out too.

Just by being there

And being your friend.

We always seem to bring out the best in each other,

In ways,

That even our parents couldn't.

I will always cherish your friendship,

I know that I can always count on you,

To bring a smile to my face.

Unfinished

No matter where I go,

You are with me.

No matter what I think,

You are in my thoughts.

No matter what I do,

I wish you could do it with me.

No matter how I feel,

You make me feel better.

No matter what others do,

You’re there to protect me.