I'm slowly working on a new poem, it's only partially finished, unfortunately the rest hasn't come yet. So here it is a work in progress...
Don't you hear me
Am I not getting through
Trying to make you hear
What I'm trying to say
All you see is the smile
that I have on the outside
It's only me that can
hear the screaming.
There you have it, I felt like screaming at work yesterday because there were some idiotic people, 2 of them were the cashiers and some were customers from one of our other stores......Go figure.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Looking back
Looking back on life I know there are things I regret and things I don't. Some of the things I don't regret are pretty much my life as is, minus the weight issue and if you know me you know what I mean. What DO I regret you may ask. Not staying closer with some of my friends, maybe buying my current house, I'll stick to those 2 at the moment.
Dealing with the latter one first. If I hadn't bought my house when I did, and rented instead, then maybe I wouldn't be having this battle with my husband of wanting to buy a house now with him, he wants to stay in our current house for at least more years, I don't know if I can handle living here for 3 more years, it's never really felt like "home" to me and that's what I so want! Even with the 2 cats and the dog, with the love that my husband and I have for each other it doesn't feel like home. So maybe if I had rented instead of buying I wouldn't feel like this because we would have bought a home when we got married.
Now to deal with the former, not staying closer to friends. It's not really for a lack of not wanting to, it's the fact that it seems like our lives are SO much busier now that we aren't in high school anymore. We are adults and have adult responsbilities. But why does it seem that we can't seem to have fun with the adult responsbilities. I miss my friends and the thing is that it doesn't take long to get caught up, but we just fall back into our old ways as if we hadn't been missing from each others lifes. But yet in the process of it all I've realized that by letting adult responsbilities get in the way I have been missing out on a lot in my friends lifes and I DO regret that. Not taking the time to sit and chat on the phone or now skype (hint, hint). Not to send letters or e-mails. The relationships that bloomed in high school and that meant so much, don't seem to mean as much when they still do and more even.
Don't get me wrong, I am the type of person where it's not the quanity of friends but the quality, and I lost some great quality friendships, but I've gained others. Some of the ones I lost, were okay to lose, some weren't by choice, and some still was just lack of communication.
I want those close friendships back!!!!!! I put in my year book "Hey Pico, don't leave with out me" or something along those lines...and some days when I hear how good that one friend is doing I do feel left behind. When I hear how another is doing, I feel as if I left them behind. Then theres' another that's trying to reconnect and I'm scared to reconnet because I don't know how to take it and if things can go back the way they were.
Lost, confused and wantin' to cry.
Dealing with the latter one first. If I hadn't bought my house when I did, and rented instead, then maybe I wouldn't be having this battle with my husband of wanting to buy a house now with him, he wants to stay in our current house for at least more years, I don't know if I can handle living here for 3 more years, it's never really felt like "home" to me and that's what I so want! Even with the 2 cats and the dog, with the love that my husband and I have for each other it doesn't feel like home. So maybe if I had rented instead of buying I wouldn't feel like this because we would have bought a home when we got married.
Now to deal with the former, not staying closer to friends. It's not really for a lack of not wanting to, it's the fact that it seems like our lives are SO much busier now that we aren't in high school anymore. We are adults and have adult responsbilities. But why does it seem that we can't seem to have fun with the adult responsbilities. I miss my friends and the thing is that it doesn't take long to get caught up, but we just fall back into our old ways as if we hadn't been missing from each others lifes. But yet in the process of it all I've realized that by letting adult responsbilities get in the way I have been missing out on a lot in my friends lifes and I DO regret that. Not taking the time to sit and chat on the phone or now skype (hint, hint). Not to send letters or e-mails. The relationships that bloomed in high school and that meant so much, don't seem to mean as much when they still do and more even.
Don't get me wrong, I am the type of person where it's not the quanity of friends but the quality, and I lost some great quality friendships, but I've gained others. Some of the ones I lost, were okay to lose, some weren't by choice, and some still was just lack of communication.
I want those close friendships back!!!!!! I put in my year book "Hey Pico, don't leave with out me" or something along those lines...and some days when I hear how good that one friend is doing I do feel left behind. When I hear how another is doing, I feel as if I left them behind. Then theres' another that's trying to reconnect and I'm scared to reconnet because I don't know how to take it and if things can go back the way they were.
Lost, confused and wantin' to cry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
